Here I am at 20 years old in my parents house taking a break in the winter of 2021 before my second semester of Houghton College 2022 (the mental ward). In less than 4 months I will turn 21 and be able to buy alcohol and cigarettes for the rest of my life! Not that I should of course ... these substances are harmful to the health and I intend to live until 106! Woohoo! LOL : /
Anywho, I sense my life is immensely repetitive. Not just mine, but mostly everyones! It's sad really because life should consist of far more extravagant events and experiences from God! No? Unless, God tests our faith for a looonnngggggg time until he finally allows us to experience life to its full unique potential. Everyday of my life surely has a purpose and calling but sometimes I just don't hear it or sense it in the way I should.
I am ungrateful, impatient, and stubborn when it comes to God's plans for me. I consistently assume I know what's best for me. The reality is the pain often means a lot more in our lives than the pleasure does! It's very hard to live like this but I am trying everyday. Just like Mary Magdalene. She sinned greatly but after came to realize how wrong her ways were. She then devoted all the rest of her days to God the Father Almighty Creator of Heaven and earth. She would not even go anywhere or eat or drink. She was dealing with prophecies that God enticed her to remain humbled by and divert herself from others ways.
In modern times, its hard to succeed without the hard criticism of the mass media. But just as the Christians were persecuted for their faith they succeeded by the hand of God in the end. That is why we know Christianity today!!! Hence, I continue living my life because deep in my heart I know I will make a change for God. I know he is leading me down the right path and to the right people. Everyday seems just like the last but it's because I am growing in Christ.
I receive fantasies about attractive boys like James Dean or River Phoenix. I wonder how cool life would be if I had someone like that to live with. But even though this is impossible because both these people are dead I receive guidance through their short lives. God tells me that you will meet the right man who is kind and loving on the inside and out. Such people do exist but He has one in store just for me. After all, there is a person for everyone.
For instance, take Aidan Turner and Caitlyn Fitzgerald. They are newly weds and God brought them together for a purpose. I don't know how long their marriage will last but I know God brings people together for several reasons. Or Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin! They may be rich and a bit arrogant but God must have a plan for their marriage or else it would cease to exist! Maybe they will make a beautiful baby with a kind heart who uses their parents fortune for charity and good! : )
So for the remainder of my Christmas break, I will continue to; read (hopefully), buy things off Amazon (addicted), walk Casey, listen to Lawrence Welk, watch TCM, read daily Bible verses, exercise, stretch, run, practice breathing exercises, relax, sleep, eat good food made by my loving momichka (She just recovered from Covid! Blessed by God!), and plan for the second semester of this spring at Houghton! I must conclude with the statement that whenever you start your day off with God's word it always ends up a good one! Love God above all! I forget this quite often I am ashamed to admit. But I never find any; true, lasting, palpable, and eternal peace from anyone and anything else but my God the Father.
P.S. Please God may one day this Covid end and that when it does my sister will like me.
All my love to whomever may be reading this (You must really love me if you are!),
XOX,
Julia Rae
(Jules)
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